Detoxification

DETOXIFICATION

           

a: to remove a harmful substance (as a poison or toxin) or the effect of such from b : to render (a harmful substance) harmless

            Amazingly, I realize many will read this in hopes of something negative – however I choose my words with purpose and good intent; remember this is the mind of one who has a BBA in Marketing.  Detox is something that I have been in deep thought over, and for one reason only: the 28 Day Challenge. 

            The 28 Day Challenge was presented to me by the group at Max-Fit, and I never thought I would be involved in this challenge at all; however I couldn’t be more wrong.  Now that I’m in, my mind and thought process has been on overload with the thought of putting my body through a natural detox.  First off let me explain that with this challenge all participants are to eat natural for 28 days, no cheats what so ever.  This means no sugar, no gum, no dairy, no white potatoes, no caffeine, no alcohol, no whole grains, no negative thoughts – the list is endless.  To many this may seem insane and impossible, however this isn’t about food it’s deeper and clarity is setting in within me that this is truly a journey of the mind and soul.  This is honestly going to be a detox of me.

            In the previous mentioned ones focus is driven to the negatives, and all the things that our group CANNOT do, which seriously makes me question why we are so drawn to the negative as society.  However, as I’ve read my book about this challenge and reflected back on the questions that Kyle is asking us, I have really had some what the hell moments.  Eating is tied to our emotional well being, however so are so many other things we do; our train of thought, attitudes, actions, etc. 

            Detox is automatically tied to recovering from a bad habit, well in life many things we ALL do are bad habits.  With my official body detox starting 11.26.2010, I realize I must prepare before hand, or I will fail myself; yet my mind detox starts now.  Getting rid of bad habits started yesterday, and as my day has progressed, I have listed two of my personal bad habits – thank you lord that I kicked caffeine and the occasional cigarette a while back.  Here’s my honesty, and trust me that was not easy.

           

             1.) Facebook

             2.) I’ve become a selfish partner

The Addictions

            Facebook.  Ironic that this is on here and it’s posted on Facebook, huh?  Here’s the thing with FB – we all get caught up in other people’s lives.  Really?  The best months of my life were this year when Josh and I deactivated our accounts and our virtual world was done, for then we could get caught up in reality.  However, the addiction was strong.  I missed IMing my family, some good friends, and getting updates from certain groups.  If that’s what I missed then it sounds fine, however that is an excuse.  As I began to think about my detox I’ve come to realize one major thing with FB – drama. 

            I say this for I have friends who would love to defriend others, but are scared of the backlash.  Oddly enough if we are all really honest with ourselves, do we have any real contact with the majority of your FB friends?  Hell no.  Most just friend to be nosy and some just post shit for attention.  So that being said, I thought long about this, for there just has to be a compromise here.  I have over 500 “friends” and out of how many do I really talk to?  You see my point, I hope.  I have accepted friends from my past that I didn’t even talk to in high school, yet we’re FB friends?  And what about the people that, here’s me being blunt, that I don’t like even now at the ripe age of 30?  Ah society and technology.

            Selfish.  Webster defines selfish as:

: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

           

            Now many will say, “You are an only child…” That’s not the case at all, I have never been the selfish only child, and honestly until this March I never was selfish.  March was a month from hell, and out of all the trials and tribulations I have overcome this was a full on test, however it lasted for months, sadly it still has been.

            Realistically, I needed to be extremely selfish during that time.  I was rejected and life as I knew it for the past 8 years had drastically changed; looking in the mirror I did not see me.  I saw someone who had been worn down and needed to finally put herself first, I had become one of those women that I vowed to never be – I lost my identity and was living for everyone else. 

            With losing my job and breaking up with my boyfriend and father of my children after 8 years I quickly dumped myself in the gym.  Clarity was something I was seeking, and I quickly got it.  Not one to ever feel sorry for myself, I picked myself up and got busy, now was the time for some changes and to get stripped and find me.  The gym wasn’t cutting it, I needed something more, so I went to bootcamp – I was scared shitless, but hey change starts somewhere. 

            Working out and eating better was just the start, for I was feeling better and decided I could deal with moving on. My friends were back in my life and we were going out, my Master’s was on track, my kids were happy, I was getting my body back, however I still had a void, and felt I needed to learn more about me and what I wanted for once.  One of the loves I have always had is to travel, so I started.             

            If my friends weren’t coming into Louisville and we weren’t going out at 4^th Street, then I was going to see old friends for time away was perfect, and I was hooked on traveling, again.  I loved having some newfound freedom and found myself gone every time I had days or weekends to myself.

            Time heals all things we are told, so like most things, eventually Josh and I found our way back to each other (yay!), however we were both different.  With a relationship you have to be mindful of your partner, yeah well here it is.  I wasn’t, or should I say I haven't been.  My personality is very gung ho, and I’m driven beyond belief and love the lifestyle of “go” – look up the sign for Leo, I swear I should have my picture there! 

            Here it is, I became selfish, I have been selfish.  Back together and happy, yet still having the desire and longing to travel.  Easy decision for most – quit traveling, or travel together -  but I’m stubborn and didn’t want to give that up, out of fear that I would return to that woman I didn’t recognize in the mirror.  We did travel together, however I missed going places with my girlfriends.  Instead of working with my partner, who wanted me home and with him, I worked against him.  We would split our time with the guys and girls and eventually, it led to spite work – and we know that doesn’t work.  Facebook was back because I wanted it, traveling was continuing because I wanted it - selfish. 

The Detox

            Facebook

            Harsh reality is, as I think of Facebook, I question why I need it.  What’s the purpose?  So here it is, hard and extreme, but that’s me – go hard or go home.  I realize some may think this is off the deep end and some may be pissed, but you know what?  I’m doing this for me and my well being and that’s all that counts.

            By Thursday anyone who is NOT already in my cell phone is getting removed.  Here’s the logic, if you are a friend, I probably have your phone number for I have called your ass over something, you’ve been to my house, or we are more than just friends out of sake for you to be in my business on FB.  Simple enough.  Now not to be shady and I’m not being rude by no means, but if you want to know something, talk about the Cards, check in, shoot me a message – I’m real.  Just understand and respect this is my life detox and obviously if we were really important to each other, then we’d be more than just FB friends. I want to know what’s up with my real friends; I want to be able to see my Max-Fit updates without having to scroll through another “drama” post about a diaper change – who cares about that?  Really, and think about this, why would anyone other than one of my real friends or my family care about my kids conversations – you don’t know the little characters in my house, which you are missing out, but still see my point?

             

            Selfishness 

           

            The first step of recovery is admitting there is a problem, so I’ve got this one licked.  My children are first and foremost the best thing in my life, so if that means sitting home with them every weekend and watching Phineas and Ferb on Sundays, that’s fine by me.  As for traveling, if I am going to travel, then it will be with my kids, my family, or my significant other – how simple is that?

            Realistically, I know that I am a strong woman, who will never go back to that old fuddy duddy in the mirror.  To each their own, however I know that I will make mistakes, but I vow to also keep a part of my life for me, for if you lose yourself how can you help yourself?  There is a way to distinguish and separate living for your kids, without losing yourself – that will be me.  Therefore I will continue with my various roles and titles, I don’t want to completely submerse and evolve my life around my children.   Some think that a mother of four should literally just be  a “mom”.  This day and age women wear many hats, there is nothing wrong with a mom being dressed chic, walking in 4” heels, and holding the hand of her children – that’s admiration.  Getting dressed up for a night out with your man, who stares at you and says you’re the most beautiful person in the world, and means it, while everyone stares at you both, that takes work.  May sound shallow, but realistically that’s what we all want.  We want it all.  It takes more work to remain balanced.  Date nights have to happen, spa days, movie nights, bootcamp – it all has to balance…yep sounds easy, but this one is going to be a work in progress.  No more being selfish, unless being selfish for my kids, my family, and being selfish for love.

            Wow.  That felt great and that’s part of detox.  I wish everyone a great and wonderful holiday with their family, and success in all they do.  To those that will remain you will notice that I will be writing updates with my 28 Day Challenge, for this is truly going to be an experience – as a matter of fact, it’s already become priceless in my book.